Tower

To be loved by him is to be complete.
My heart is overflowing with memories,
satin and silk and softest cashmere,
obscure moments in hidden corners,
beds of damp green moss in the woods,
I offered that which he asked of me;
to believe in him, to be near,
to yield to his desire..

I am so cold.
I abandoned him in his love of me.
Fiercely jealous;
I felt I gave him no cause.

Am I to tread the streets alone?
To stand at the'end of the world'
where first he kissed my hand?
Where is the comfort of my stone tower now?
How proud and aloof I have been;
with my moral holier than thou code.

I deny myself seeing his body one last time,
I yearn to be tormented till my last breath...
for him to stand behind me,
evermore
out of reach,
would be kinder even,
than the empty coldness that entombs me...

My soul cries for his company...
I will not seek, I do not deserve
nor do I wish for relief in my wretchedness.
Yesterday I walked in the cold wet wind,
my velvet coat unbuttoned,
my silk blouse damp with rain,
I was numb with cold and felt alive.
I know now, I will always be cold.

Evangeline