A Feather in the Wind

There was a time I fully believed that a home and affection could make

life tolerable and that should I ever find myself deprived of these, my existence would be unendurable and indeed short lived.

I lost my dearest friends and my beloved to the mystery of death.

Not to death did I lose the husband of my youth, but to folly!

My misery was not such as to break my tie with and enthusiasm for life, as years passed I was not so miserable as I had supposed; although I have been determined to remain independent of social intercourse, and have delighted in the circumstance of being so impracticable to reach that none have tried!

I have felt as a feather in the wind.

I know nothing of what happiness lies before me for I am only now commencing my journey. For ten years I struggled weak and wretched in solitude, and 3 days following my birthday in January I found myself compelled to rouse myself to animation.

My spirit revived I find I am taking great pleasure in contemplating the new life I am entering.

I harbour a deep longing to be found.

“Be calm, yes stay calm, whatever happens”, I am saying within.

I pondered in the garden today; well I wondered in secret whether we should ever meet; or only share a glimpse of the other passing by.

I went so far as to wonder whether I ought ask your situation.

I feel an imperative craving for just such an indulgence, must I restrain and swallow my feelings?

Is it foolish to wish for the pleasure of gazing into a beautiful face?

Might I disclose other thoughts, delve much deeper?

Of my feelings, I cannot seek or obtain sympathy from anyone, but find relief from a secret source of consolation, more soothing, more obtainable, more penetrating and encompassing than any mortal can hope to offer; words.

I am flushed with excitement as I share these few words with you.

I could go on for years!

Such are some of my reflections.

*****

Evangeline